Terraria

I guess I will review another indie game!

A week or two ago a friend of mine gifted my Steam account Terraria, a 2d sandbox game  based on adventure and crafting. This is not a game I would have bought for myself, but nevertheless I have given it an honest try (approx 20hrs), and have enjoyed most of what it has to offer.

To start you design a character. You can skip this and use the default sprite if you prefer. I could care less about how my character looks, because I know he will be covered in bad ass armor. So I named him "Gilly" and started out on my adventure, where I was promptly flogged like a red-headed step child by none other than a pack of roving slime. "Well fuck," I thought "this never stopped Martin Luther King Jr. from achieving his goals, and it certainly won't impede me." In fact, I don't know how MLK would have reacted to being attacked by slime. I probably handled it better.

So I set out into my new world with a small copper sword, a pick, an ax, and some other odds and ends. I had no idea what to do. I kept exploring, ignoring the guide that serves very little purpose, until night fall  Where I was beaten to a pulp by zombies and flying eyeballs. "Damn it, what would Martin Luther King do?" I decided he would probably Google how to play this game...or not play as he was busy fixing the world and being black Moses.

Since I am not MLK, I Googled the game, and came upon the Terraria wiki. Let me get this straight, if your game requires a wiki to make it through the first thirty minutes, screw you. But I quickly learned what I needed to make in order to make housing to keep zombies and eyeballs away. It also told me to mine. Basically that's all you do.

With that in mind, I figured I wouldn't make it past 10 hours of play time. Why on earth would I want to dig for hours? Well it turned out to be strangely addicting. As i kept digging down, I was finding better minerals to make better tools so I could dig further and faster. As I was making tools, I could make weapons and armor to protect me from those monsters.

The farther you dig, the more caverns and dungeons become available. There are also worlds underground, such as Jungles, the underworld, and other places of interest. You can find weapons, and materials to craft different things, and make your character look even cooler (some people are Link from LoZ...I'm a ninja.)

But the game itself isn't what is so interesting. After you have developed your avatar to be somewhat powerful, and you've rid your world of the bosses, you can set about creating unique landscapes. This is where the game becomes fun. There are very little limits with what you can
do (it has to be 2d though). There are tons of examples of what people have done. Check out this Christmas tree!

This was made by "the_satch"

Also, you can run pre-made adventure maps, as well as do multiplayer with friends. My roommate saw me playing and decided to buy it. I set up a server (which was a pain!) and we got to playing. I crafted him some stuff and showed him how to play. Adventures will be more fun if you have more players.

I like this game, but it could use some work. Luckily, it is being actively updated and the programming team seems pretty hell bent on making it better as they go along. I wish they would make it easier to run servers. Also, they should consider a "how to" campaign map for you to play through, so I wouldn't have to  google instructions or talk to the guide. It was very overwhelming in the beginning. I had no sense of purpose, and if someone said "use your imagination," that would have helped a ton. I'm so used to playing games where the object is to reach a point, find an object, kill a bad guy, or protect something that I had very little idea as to what I felt I should do. After a few hours, it starts to flow from you but in the begining you may as well be Tom Hanks in Castaway.

Braid: A review

Have you ever made a mistake, and wished you could take it back? Have you ever stayed up all night musing about time? Have you ever seen trees and clouds morph before your eyes in dimensions you can't explain? If you answered yes to any of these you might be a hippy. Okay, Foxworthyisms aside, this game is a beautiful work of art that only takes a few hours to play through. There is a lot of depth in this game and once you get past the cliche of saving a princess who is in a castle (that is never the castle you go to), there is quite a bit to appreciate.

Fuck you Toad.

The game is a puzzle game that spans six worlds. Each world has unique visuals that compliment the mood of the game, and the story that is unfolding as you solve each puzzle, hoping to get closer to the person you love.

The main game mechanic involves the manipulation of time. Anyone who has played Prince of Persia is fairly familiar with this concept. A long with the manipulation of time each world has a different mechanic such as a ring that slows down time, an alternate reality, or a world where the direction you move effects the flow of time, and how each mob traverses the world.

The game sets a striking atmosphere. The visuals are the most pleasing of any game I've ever played through. My joke about being a hippy is kind of accurate, as the colors sort morph and give the backgrounds a strange dimension. Despite the game being a 2D side-scroller the backgrounds shift through colors to offer a unique experience I have not seen in any other game.

The music is very pleasing, and actually assuages a lot of the frustration you might feel while playing this brain-buster. Many times I've caught myself whistling the main theme, or playing the tune in my head. As you progress through the levels the soothing music makes it so much easier to stay calm, and not through the controller through your monitor.

I've played a lot of video games throughout my life, and many of them have been mediocre at best, but every now and then a game like Braid comes a long that is truly wonderful. I've never been more frustrated, yet so motivated to finish a game before. The level designs require you to look at all the ingredients to come up with an effective solution to progress. There are so many "AHA!" moments that you just can't quit.

Another aspect that makes this game special is that it was designed by an independent developer. It has no corporate funding, and from what I can gather by the website it was self published. The game sells for Twenty dollars, and it is well worth it... but its part of the "humble-indie-bundle" which is a "pay what you want" package of some seriously impressive independent titles. I purchased it last winter during the steam holiday sales for five dollars I believe.

The game while highly worthy of praise is not without faults. I found it was far too short. I would have liked to play longer, through worlds with even crazier mechanics. I think a world where gravity and time could both be manipulated at the same time would have been cool. Also they could have adjusted the difficultly curve a little bit. This game gets labeled as "casual" but it picks up in difficulty so fast that it may turn the not-so-hardcore gamers away from it. The difficulty jump from world three to world four is so immense that I found myself getting annoyed feeling stupid that a game was beating me.

Despite the slight flaws I recommend this game to the fullest extent. It's up there with games that I will never forget such as Warcraft Two, Half-Life and The Legend of Zelda. Even if you aren't a gamer, and have no interest in gaming it is worth sitting down and figuring it out --especially if you like puzzles and logic games.

Tricky sales tactics

I have worked in electronics retail in the past. It is an interesting endeavor, especially when there are no sales incentives. The whole approach is very interesting, and I feel in many ways gives marketing a bad name, even if the sales tactics used by floor staff aren't tactics endorsed by the company's marketing department.

After my six hour drive from Scranton PA, (break was awesome by the way) I sat down to peruse reddit.com before working on an essay due later this week and saw an interesting thread discussing slanted sales tactics. The original poster spoke about how Best Buy was tuning lower priced televisions to standard digital channels, and the higher priced ones to High-Definition to help convince customers to spend the extra cash.

This doesn't surprise me, though I am not aware of them using that tactic at Best Buy 341 in Dickson City, PA. From my experience, this was probably the most likable Best Buy you could venture into. Most employees were really helpful, and the managers were pretty reasonable as well. Other Best Buys that I've been to had terrible staff that were ill-informed and seemed put out by your merely coming into the store. I'm looking at you, Wilkes-Barre.

I digress, the thread highlights some interesting sales tactics. The aforementioned one is the most detrimental to a brand's image though. If I were a rep for a lower priced television set, I would make sure that the TV's are placed on High-Def stations, or playing a Blu-Ray DVD. If consumers are to see my product, I want them to have the best image in their heads as possible, not the image some middle-manager who bosses around a rag-tag team of punk kids wants it to have. Electronics companies need to be very aware of this, and control their image quality accordingly.

While I was selling, we didn't have too many sneaky tricks. Computers are a little different than televisions. Of course things were placed out and planned for maximum sales, but that's not tricky, that's just common sense. We also started high and worked our way down. Much like the tea salesman at Teavanna did trying to get me  to buy $80 worth of tea. My manager taught me the most amusing trick while I worked there though, and once you do it three or four times, you don't feel bad anymore because it was so useful.

Say for instance you're shopping for a new memory stick. There's ten different brands in front of you, and you can't decide which one to get. A sales associate walks over to you and asks to be of assistance. You explain what you want, and he replies with his knowledge about the product, and the quality of the brands. You then take a moment to decide, but before you realize it, he or she has picked the most expensive one (or the one that's on sale if they need to be moved) and placed it confidently in your hand. You think for a minute and realize that this one is the one you want because this person who has built a trusting relationship with you in three minutes feels this is the best fit. When in reality, the sales associate just wanted to move on as quickly as possible and still make a sale.

I swear that worked 85% of the time. I always went for the most expensive one but not to make more money for the store. I found after a couple of tries, that if I give them the cheap one, or mid range one they either think I'm insulting them because they are poor or that they don't know better. I decided to give them the most expensive one and let themselves shimmy down the price points as they pleased --unless there was an item on clearance sale. Then I gave them that one.

there are a ton of comments to peruse through, it's definitely worth a look.

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/mr7th/reddit_store_owners_what_tricks_do_you_use_to_get/

Marker advert

Saw a fun and interesting advertisement today. It was voted up to the top of reddit.com. Good ads tend to float to the front page. Last week I posted asics, this week I present Faber Castel:

Trying to relate this to Marketing Metaphoria. I will think of things when I wake up.

Gorillaz

Gorillaz is possibly one of my favorite acts of all time. Mostly everyone in the U.S, U.K and AUS are familiar with them, and they have a reach that extends to other countries as well. My first experience with Gorillaz was when I was twelve or thirteen years old. during summer vacation one night (one of many throughout my life) I couldn't sleep. I kept staring at the ceiling. My parents were very strict with my bedtime even until I was in high school, so often times I would stay up all night reading books, drawing pictures, or listening to Nirvana, Sublime, and Limp Bizkit on my head phones. I admit it, I like Limp Bizkit when I was a kid, but so did everyone else...don't judge me!

I digress! Anyway, I would often stay up late trying to entertain myself until I could fall asleep. At this point in my life I was starting to get a little more rebellious, and decided if I couldn't sleep I was going to watch TV. I knew that The Cartoon Network would show Japanese animation late at night that was uncut unlike the daytime episodes. I crawled out of bed, cautiously opened my door, stepped into the hallway where I proceeded to hold my breath and tiptoed as stealthily as I could past my parents room, down the creeky stairs, and into my living. I didn't turn the lights on. I didn't need them, I was so used to seeing in the dark and feeling the atmosphere around me for objects that I felt as comfortable as I do in the daytime. I found the T.V, turned it on, and immediately muted it as to not wake my parents. I turned it up so I could hear it just enough  without waking anybody. 

I put on The Cartoon Network hoping Gundam or Dragonball would be on in all of their uncut glory. Instead what was on was a series of animated music videos. I'm not going to lie, I was really disappointed --I was risking getting grounded for music videos? Well, I was already in front of the T.V so in my prepubescent mind I thought "fuck it," and proceeded to watch the videos. None of them were particularly spectacular and I was considering bed, when Gorillaz popped on. At first glance I knew I liked them. I hadn't even heard the music yet, I just liked their design and knew that they had to be good. I didn't even know what I was hearing. It wasn't like anything I've heard before. I stepped out of normal. It had elements of rock like Nirvana, some reggae touch like Sublime, and wasn't at all like Limp Bizkit!

What was intriguing was their incorporation of different genres of music in each song. Four songs were aired that night, and each one was different than the the last. They combined rock, reggae, electronica, hip-hop, and world music into a colorful tapestry of awesome. I watched each video, mesmerized by the cartoon characters and groovy beats. It was the closest to being on drugs I would come to for a long time. 

Gorillaz is a musical project with four main Collaborators. Damon Albarn, Jaimie Hewlett, Mike Smith, and Cass Brown make up the original and current members. They employ a wide range of additional musicians from around the world. It creates a unique sound with a grungey brit rock feel.

Well, that was long winded. 

tl;dr: Gorillaz have been inspiring since I heard them when I was 12ish. I have been listening to them ever since and love their visual art.   

Artist Date: Afro Cuban Slap Bass

Being a bass player without a band is a lot like being a samurai without a master. I'm all ronin, and I don't have the time to fix that! Unfortunately its very easy to become stale without constant playing --which I do. I practice rock, blues, reggae, and funk quite a bit. I have been more interested in world music and jazz lately, so when I saw a method book highlighting afro-cuban slap bass I was intrigued.

I shelled out the cash for it, and brought it home immediately to try it out. Luckily it has tabs, since my reading is a bit rusty. Or maybe it would have been better if the tabs weren't there so I would have to get used to reading notation again.

Anyway, I started playing through the first two songs, and I never felt so middle aged when playing. I don't mean old, I just mean the music feels a little more sophisticated and geared towards a cultured and older crowd. It's pretty laid back compared to what I normally practice, and is awfully open  for improv.

I'll keep playing with this sound a little bit, but I think I would like to explore music from, other regions still!

Interesting Asics Advert!

I have in the past purchased many Asics brand sports shoes. They made some of the best wrestling shoes anyone could hope to buy, and were often worn over Nike, Reebok, or Adidas. Asics, a sports apparel company from Japan, is not a popular brand of exercise shoe however. Though they have been more and more recognized for running as of recently, they are still not as powerful of a player in the sports shoe market. Here we see a unique add highlighting the speed of a marathon runner while he wears his Asics shoes:

Interesting packaging and and adverts from a pharmaceutical company

Today while I was browsing the Internet and eating cereal (my normal morning routine) I came across a thread talking about an interesting list of ingredients.

Each product has a unique ingredient list. For instance the one for allergies says "if you dislike pseudoephedrine sulfate, you will be happy to hear that Help, I have allergies, contains none. If you have no opinion on the matter, most likely you will not be happy or sad."

After perusing their website a little bit, I came upon their youtube page. Let's just say it's interesting.  On their main video they position themselves as "a new kind of drug company--a drug company that promises you less." Let's just have a look at two of their videos. They're unique...

Oh you think that video was interesting do you? Sure it was funny, but it had a message. This next one I found on their page is the most bizarre piece of work I've seen by them

I imagine this is for help's new 2cb product line help, I need to party and is probably not intended for minors.

These ads lead me to the question, are pharmaceutical companies allowed to be weird and quirky? I understand what helps trying to do with their idea of a drug company that sells you less. They sell the drugs unmixed with other drugs. Often times we see acetaminophen (Tylenol) mixed into drugs they ought not be mixed into. This can have adverse effects in a wide range of situations. Some people are allergic to acetaminophen, some people will drink while using these medicines, and others may use these drugs (especially the sleep aids) for recreation, and the acetaminophen will have adverse effects on their bodies. That isn't to say they don't sell acetaminophen, they just don't blend it with other products. 

I don't know what to make of this. I like it, but whether or not it will be effective with consumers who don't spend their time on the Internet looking at stupid shit all day is up in the air.

Street art follow up

Here is the finished work.

Street Art

It always fascinates me when people use points of view and perspective to create art. There are many examples of this out there. I put on display one that's currently being created (as in the guy is working as I type this.). He is creating a Lego themed portrait.

Sarasota, FL

It looks so cool so far, and I really hope the artist(s) post a follow up of the completed work for everyone to see.

ケロロ軍曹☆ or Sgt. Frog

If you like cartoons or Japanese animation, consider Sgt. Frog. It's a story about a sentient frog being and his friends from outer space. They try to take over the world, and have hilarious adventures. There's a narrator, as well as random subtitles saying funny stuff. It's got a lot of energy, and keeps me entertained through out an entire episode!

Something I will shamelessly steal from reddit.com!

Every year kids go trick or treating, and you normally see the same costumes over and over again. These kids got pretty creative with their costumes. I especially like the vending machine/Mike Tyson combo. according to the person who posted:

"I told them they won Halloween, split the rest of my candy between the two of them, and turned off my porch light. Bonus: The kid in the snack machine costume "turtled" into the costume and would only accept the candy through the "receptacle". A tad awkward, but cute."

Video Games: A Retrospective Artist Date

I have not played video games since school started. This has been quite a record for me. I normally play online video games such as Team Fortress 2 to pass time. I enjoy it because it's social, challenging, and a lot of my friends from my undergrad play it so it allows us to interact together and have a conversation over voice chat.

Since school has started I quit playing. Most of my friends are in the same boat as well, and we'll play again over the break. Today however I am breaking my rule. It's the worst day outside. So dreary, and cold. I will play a video game... but not just any video game, an old one! I have a list of games from my childhood that I have been wanting to replay for a while now. Among them there are Super Mario World, Mega Man X, Final Fantasy 7, and Chrono Trigger. For times sake, and difficulty I decided to play Mega Man X. I may be able to beat that one in an afternoon. What follows is a journal of events and screenshots from the game.

Right off the bat I am greeted with old school 16bit music, and the Capcom logo.

So you're Mega Man... A robot boy. You have a gun for an arm and you shoot robots. I like this because you shoot robots. Anyway, you run through a city for a little while. All the while you're establishing the story. Not bad. It's something about Renegade robots not being very neighborly, and Mega Man has to stop them. Rather than get all Gandhi and fight passively, Mega Man takes the Bruce Willis route shooting the hell out of the bad guys. But then he bits off more than he can chew when he encounters a robot in an even bigger freaking robot!

He's two robots!

 Wow, really? Can they do that? Capcom I think you're just blowing steam on this one --but for the sake of amusement I'm letting it slide. As it turns out this is one of those fights you can't win. This type of story development killed myself esteem as a kid. No matter how good I was, I was never good enough to change the plot! Anyway, a more flamboyantly dressed robot boy who sorta looks like a robot girl comes along and saves me. Then tells me I am not as strong as him, but if I work hard I can maybe surpass him. Once again I am not good enough for this game. I think that is the message so far.

After this drama is established and it is clear that I've gotta go stop these robots from doing whatever it is they are doing I am greeted with a selection screen. From here I can choose who I am going to chase after. I like this. It gives you the sense that you ultimately have control over your experience. This is typical of Mega Man games. The trick is to figure out which character to go after first. Every enemy has a different weakness. If you kill them you take their weapon to use on the next guy you chase down. If you're lucky that guy is weak to its effects. Generally just use common sense like fire melts ice, but once in a while you might need a weapon to fight a guy that you normally wouldn't consider.

 The gopher is cute.

I'm going to start with the gopher looking guy, and go through the entire game this afternoon. I will post an update as to my overall opinion.

Okay, so I never actually beat the game. I got about three levels in before I realized I had to get other stuff done. Overall though, I would say this game is really addictive. It stacks up against a lot of the games that I have played recently, but you cant judge it by the same criteria.

Games now are more about storytelling and visual art. In some cases they are just interactive movies. Back when they first started making them, up until the early 2000's game makers had to rely on a sense of urgency. The music in this game helps that, as well as the constant presence of enemies in each stage.

I really enjoyed playing through this --as far as I got. It was a nice trip down memory lane, and reminded me of why i liked video games in the first place: they're fun.

Why Do We Cry?

Everybody, whether they like to admit it or not, has probably shed or choked back tears in the past year. Whether or not any one saw you do it ultimately depends on where you were, and if you wanted to be seen. I've often wondered why we cry, more particularly, why do our faces contort, why do our throats close, and why do we shed tears?

I read an interesting article today by NPR that explained the evolutionary benefits of crying. It went on to explain that it may have served to signal other humans that there was something wrong without giving away that you're in distress to nearby predators. It also went on to explain that natural selection probably favored babies that cried the loudest because it was unlikely that they would be left behind or lost.

The article also went on to explain (much to common knowledge) that tears elicit emotional responses from humans. Whenever you see someone crying you are likely to ask what's wrong or if you are crying someone is likely to try and console you. It also works to signal that "you've beaten me, back off, you win".

I know people who use tears to their advantage. These people are usually liars, and will con people by manipulating emotions. A certain relative of mine (as well as some...we'll call them business associates) is well known for this, and despite the knowledge that she will cry to get what she wants --everyone always caves. She has two kids now, is older than me, and it pisses me off to no end...but I digress. That's not to say I don't love her (she's pulled it on me before... I put her in her place) but she is an excellent example of people using basic human emotions to manipulate others into gaining what they want. As terrible as it may sound, this is not too far off from advertising. We can use emotions as a call to action to trigger a desired response. Maybe this is why people are always saying my cousin and I are two sides of the same coin.

Mixing Old With New

With all of the electronic music become popular nowadays, it's no wonder we are beginning to see musical acts such as this. They employ traditional instruments to play grimey dub-step music. It's fairly amusing!

Artist Date

Being low on funds and ideas I set off on a walk to a place I had no idea existed, or no idea where it was. I left my apartment, and walked for a few miles. I kept looking for something interesting. I walked to the downtown area, then over the Charles river into Cambridge. Nothing caught my eye. That isn't to say there wasn't anything to look at. I'm easily amused, but nothing was new.

As I was walking along some train tracks, past what appeared to be old warehouses and some type of facilities buildings I came upon a lonely lawn chair sitting on the side of the railroad bed.  Its back hunched over a bit and its legs stood thin and brittle. In front of the chair a flock of birds congregated around the puddles and mud holes chirping wildly. I stood there, feeling alone yet calm.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was a text from a college friend. My friend James died. It wasn't suicide, drugs, or foul play. As far as I know it was natural cause. I looked back at the chair, then at my phone again. I slowly wheeled myself back around the way I came. This wasn't an artists date. It was just a bad day.

It's October!

October has always been my favorite month. Ever since I was a little kid I enjoyed carving pumpkins, eating massive amounts of candy (which would later be replaced with beer), eating pumpkin seeds, and watching horror movies.

Thanks to the wonder that is the internet, there are a whole slew of spooky films that can be watched on sites such as YouTube and Vimeo.

I'd like to share two movies. The first one is Polydeus. Polydeus is a legendary video game that appeared sometime in the 80's around Portland Oregon. The urban legend has been bouncing around the internet with much speculation. Some claim it was a CIA operation and noted men in black suits taking data from the machine. Others say it was a prototype of a soon to be released game, which had to be scrapped due to the frequent seizures the game caused. The acting in this film is a little over the top, but it wasn't a bad job altogether.

Next is a short animation by The Animation Workshop. The short really speaks for itself, and has awesome atmosphere. Like the last one however, some of the lines are a little "meh." Overall however it's quite original, but draws its animation style from the well of Gorillaz.

Consumerism

Outside of Starbucks on Boylston. They have a strong presence in the coffee market.

Artist Date: Occupy Boston

As Occupy Wall street grows, other cities are joining in demanding a larger voice for the U.S' working class.

Today in NYC they clogged up traffic on the Brooklyn bridge. The protests here in Boston are a little more tame.

People are making signs as per peaceful protest decorum:

They Chant:
"the people/united/will never be divided"

Passerbys beep in support of the protesters.

15:31 counter protests begin to gather.

To elaborate it was two people, carrying signs in favor of the current economic system. It was nothing too inflammatory and they left shortly afterward.


15:35 hassled by a cop for taking a picture.

This is the picture in question that made an officer upset:

The cop approached me, upset and hollered at me for "sneaking" a photo of him. He said he was a working man, and that after this he was gonna go see his kids. I did not reply. He left me a lone from then on.

The protest began to grow.

Protesters begin to file out of Dewey Square to march through Boston

My Childhood Reinvented.

Today I was browsing the internet. I read a popular forum called Reddit.com. It has news links, funny pictures, videos, etc. and you get to vote on them. Much like Digg.com, the ones with the highest scores make the front page.

Everybody, well most people, have a positive recollection of Star Wars. Even girls! It's true! Star Wars had such an impact on the film industry that it's part of our culture. Maybe years from now, children will be forced to study Star Wars in high school, much like I was forced to read Great Expectations (which brewed a flavorful hatred for Dickens within me). Anyway, Star Wars has a ton of fans, and many of them make creative interpretations of elements from the movies, post it online to sites such as Reddit. Take a look at the example below, it will make your day:

First World Problems.

An Evening With Primus!

This past Friday I attended a concert for a band I have never seen before, Primus. I had had plans in the past to see them, however they were always trumped by more important issues. Having been a Primus fan for a few years, it was great to finally see them live.

Like most established bands do for live shows, they mixed visual art and music. Behind their booming and shredding there was footage of old cartoons such as Popeye intermixed with psychedelic patterns, old nature show footage, and footage from what appeared to be old Drive-in horror movies.

The heat in the venue was overwhelming. Combined with the sea of people sweating, the air was pudding. Breathing among the crowd was difficult, yet that added to the experience.

After the show ended, I scooted out of the theater as quick as possible hoping for the outside air to refresh me. In order to recuperate and reflect back on the experience I opted to walk home rather than ride the train. The elation after seeing that show stayed with me the entire night, and entertained me during the walk home. I kept hearing the drums pounding in my skull, accented by the shredding guitar and the left-wise basslines. I kept replaying Les Claypool's last solo over and over in my head as it was a medley of several songs that were played throughout the night.

After I arrived home I went straight to my guitar and started slapping it until my hands were sore. Afterwards I watched cartoons and did scratchy doodles of things that popped in my head. Oh, and I drank Harpoon IPA... Never had it before, huge fan now.

Test post

Nothing to see here. Just a test post. Test posting while listening to reggae in the morning. It's like writing my test post while sitting in a Sandals resort in Jamaica. But why on Earth would I go to a Sandals resort? Those things scream "suburban white folk assemble!" Honestly, who the hell swims in a pool, that is located right next to the ocean...when you can just swim in the ocean?

At least Sandals is all inclusive, meaning it will get you drunk no matter what the circumstances are. Unlike yours truly, who will only get you drunk if he thinks it will lead to late night encounters. That's not such a good thing for me to disclose, but due to crippling laziness, I will not delete that sentence. In fact, I may type it again. No, I won't --just kidding. But back to Sandals. Why would I sit around with a bunch of drunk folk when I could go wander Kingston and find myself on all sorts of adventures? Id rather come home missing a kidney, but holding a handful of wonderful stories than come home missing a kidney from drinking myself into a stupor with the sluggish old people who have hair on their backs.

/test post.